Very Funny Reading of the Night Before Christmas
Humorous Christmas Poems!
In amongst all the shopping, gift wrapping, cleaning and preparations leading up to the festive season, the stress can be overwhelming. Take a moment to relax and enjoy yourself with some of our Christmas poems. Some of these humorous poems may bring a smile to your face and help you to remember not to take life quite so seriously. Christmas is supposed to be fun!!
A Chubby Snowman
A chubby little snowman
had a carrot nose.
Along came a bunny,
and what do you suppose?
That hungry little bunny,
looking for some lunch,
Grabbed that snowman's nose,
Nibble, nibble, crunch!
~Anon
Humorous Christmas Poem: Snowball
I made myself a snowball,
As perfect as could be,
I thought I'd keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas,
And a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away,
But first - it wet the bed!
~ Shel Silverstein
For the Twelfth Sign of Midlife
For the Twelfth Sign of Midlife
My hormones sent to me...
Hot flashes flashing,
Continuously crying,
Mood swings a-swinging,
Weight gain and bloating,
Head is a-hurting,
Nights are a-sweating,
Libido's a-missing,
FOR...GET...TING THINGS!
Fearsome outbursts,
Sleep...less...ness,
Incontinence,
And a psycho sensitivity!
Humorous Poem for Christmas: Santa's Special Gift
Santa's got a special gift
He's bringing just for you.
Just a little something extra,
And it comes from Rudolph, too!
He knows that you've been naughty
Instead of being nice.
Again you're on the bad list,
And he's checked it over twice.
Santa hopes this little poem
Doesn't throw you for a loop.
All you're getting this year
is a bunch of reindeer poop!
Help Wanted
Santa needs new reindeer.
The first bunch has grown old.
Dasher has arthritis;
Comet hates the cold.
Prancer's sick of staring
at Dancer's big behind.
Cupid married Blitzen
and Donder lost his mind.
Dancer's mad at Vixen
for stepping on his toes.
Vixen's being thrown out
she laughed at Rudolph's nose.
If you are a reindeer
we hope you will apply.
There is just one tricky part:
You must know how to fly.
~ Timothy Tocher
A Christmas Tale
At this time of year it is patently clear
That the males are the ones who are blest.
Thoughts like "goodwill to men" we hear time and again
And we find them quite hard to digest.
As we women all know, men think they run the show,
And sometimes we allow them this pause.
But it gets on our nerves, like too many hors d'oeuvres
When we want to get at the main course.
Many times out of mind the same problem we find,
Leaving plans to the menfolk is risky.
Christmas spirit they think is some kind of a drink,
Such as vodka, Baccardi, or whiskey.
Since we carry the load, men keep out of our road,
We are ready and willing and able.
For it's perfectly clear, that the stuffed turkeys here
Are not always confined to the table.
The traditional way is now rather passe,
Lets give credit, where credit is due.
Then you'll see, man or boy, in return you'll enjoy
The fruits of our goodwill to you.
~ Helen Steiner Rice
The Christmas Lights Went Out
The Christmas lights went out-
The ones Dad just suspended.
He took all day to hang them,
But their gleaming's promptly ended.
I wonder how he'll take it
When he steps out in the snow
To marvel at his handiwork
But find he's missed the show.
The Christmas lights went out,
And all's dark on our lawn-
One fleeting, fizzling moment
And his masterpiece is gone.
I think I'll step inside now
To avoid how he reacts
When he finds one broken bulb
In the middle of my tracks.
Here are our two favorites, perfect for reading out loud during the festive season.
'Twas a Computer Christmas
T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,
The computers were whirring; they never do stop.
The power was on and the temperature right,
In hopes that the input would feed back that night.
The system was ready, the program was coded,
And memory drums had been carefully loaded;
While adding a Christmasy glow to the scene,
The lights on the console, flashed red, white and green.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
The programmer ran to see what was the matter.
Away to the hallway he flew like a flash,
Forgetting his key in his curious dash.
He stood in the hallway and looked all about,
When the door slammed behind him, and he was locked out.
Then, in the computer room what should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer;
And a little old man, who with scarcely a pause,
Chuckled: "My name is Santa...the last name is Claus."
The computer was startled, confused by the name,
Then it buzzed as it heard the old fellow exclaim:
"This is Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
And Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen."
With all these odd names, it was puzzled anew;
It hummed and it clanked, and a main circuit blew.
It searched in its memory core, trying to "think";
Then the multi-line printer went out on the blink.
Unable to do its electronic job,
It said in a voice that was almost a sob:
"Your eyes - how they twinkle - your dimples so merry,
Your cheeks so like roses, your nose like a cherry,
Your smile - all these things, I've been programmed to know,
And at data-recall, I am more than so-so;
But your name and your address (computers can't lie),
Are things that I just cannot identify.
You've a jolly old face and a little round belly,
That shakes when you laugh like a bowlful of jelly;
My scanners can see you, but still I insist,
Since you're not in my program, you cannot exist!"
Old Santa just chuckled a merry "ho, ho",
And sat down to type out a quick word or so.
The keyboard clack-clattered, its sound sharp and clean,
As Santa fed this "data" to the machine:
"Kids everywhere know me; I come every year;
The presents I bring add to everyone's cheer;
But you won't get anything - that's plain to see;
Too bad your programmers forgot about me."
Then he faced the machine and said with a shrug,
"Merry Christmas to All," as he pulled out its plug!
Author Unknown
Humorous Christmas Poem: Santa Won't Tell
'Tis the week before Christmas and every night
As soon as the children are snuggled up tight
And have sleepily murmured their wishes and prayers,
Such fun as goes on in the parlor downstairs!
For father, big brother, and grandfather too,
Start in with great vigour their youth to renew.
The grown-ups are having great fun - all is well;
And they play till it's long past their hour for bed.
They try to solve puzzles and each one enjoys
The magical thrill of mechanical toys,
Even mother must play with a doll that can talk,
And if you assist it, it's able to walk.
It's really no matter if paint may be scratched,
Or a cogwheel, a nut, or a bolt gets detached;
The grown-ups are having great fun - all is well;
The children don't know it, and Santa won't tell.
A little humorous, but rather wistful, this festive poem brought a smile to my face:-
Humorous Christmas Poem: A Puppy's Christmas
It's the day before Christmas
And all through the house
The puppies are squeaking
An old rubber mouse.
The wreath which had merrily
Hung on the door
Is scattered in pieces
All over the floor.
The stockings that hung
In a neat little row
Now boast a hole in
Each one of the toes.
The tree was subjected
To bright-eyed whims,
And now, although splendid,
It's missing some limbs.
I catch them and hold them.
"Be good", I insist.
They lick me, then run off
To see what they've missed.
And now as I watch them
The thought comes to me,
That their's is the spirit
That Christmas should be.
Should children and puppies
Yet show us the way,
And teach us the joy
That should come with this day?
Could they bring the message
That's written above,
And tell us that, most of all
Christmas is love.
Author Unknown
The Funniest Face
The funniest face
looked out at me
From a silver ball
On the Christmas tree!
At first I thought
It was Santa's elf,
But I looked again and
It was just myself!
The Four Stages of Life
- You believe in Santa Claus
- You don't believe in Santa Claus
- You are Santa Claus
- You look like Santa Claus
For our classic collection of Christmas poetry visit Christmas poems
For more festive poetry, visit Christmas Poems & Readings
Thanks for visiting , I hope you enjoyed these funny christmas poems!
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